Okay, I cannot believe I am so late on this! Please forgive me!
Christmas 2013, we took our longest vacation as a family since Hazel arrived. If I'm honest I believe it was our only vacation since Hazel arrived but whatever.
We went home to Canada (home for me anyways!). It had been over 3.5 years since I had been home to visit my family and much had changed for all of us in that time frame so I was very excited to go!
Hazel came with us (of course) and as always she travels like a rockstar, she pretty much slept the entire 9.5 hour drive. The boys did great with the car ride too.
I knew Christmas was going to be tough on JJ. The last time we were home, he had just turned two and was not yet diagnosed with Autism. I was worried because the last time was the first time that JJ had eloped from us, we were at my dad's place. We were staying with Dad again, but I was stressed.
Christmas always means lots of family, lots of visits, lots of new people for my children to meet. We had planned very minimal visiting other than family. We saw three groups of friends and one group we visited after the kids had gone to bed. My biggest fear was though was the day after Christmas.
Every year, since I can even remember, we have had a big family Christmas for my mom's side of the family. We gather at my Grandma's house and there are usually 20+ people there. With cousins getting married and having children, we keep growing! This year I think we had 22 people and many little ones. I was really concerned about how JJ would handle the noise and commotion. Josh and I made the hard decision to have Hazel work the entire time we were there and keep JJ tethered to her. This was hard because I knew the other kids would be running around and playing, I really wanted JJ to be able to join them in that, but JJ gets overstimulated very quickly and cannot easily pull himself out of it. We decided to head it off before it became a problem.
I also knew this was going to be an issue for my extended family. We have lots of dog lovers in my family, including a family who had a Golden for many years. I knew it would very tough for them to not love on Hazel. We planned a short 30 minute break for Hazel so she could greet everyone and JJ could play.
We arrived first before everyone else. Visited with my Grandma for a little and got JJ settled on the couch with his ipad and his best friend at his feet. He was happy as a clam. Family arrived, JJ didn't really notice, Hazel stayed in place with her boy and it was all very calm and organized. We spent over 7 hours at my grandma's house, first to arrive and the last to leave (that NEVER happens with our kids). JJ stayed happy, content and relaxed the entire time. He talked with my uncles, cousins and anyone who took the time to sit with him. He was perfectly happy with Hazel being with him.
We did untether them for 30-45 minutes so that everyone could meet Hazel and JJ could have a break and play, within 15 minutes of playing he was overstimulated and screaming. Josh and I snuggled with him and talked him through it all and when it was time to re-tether him, I got the distinct sense that he was grateful. Hazel is his safe place. When his anxiety is high, when he is stressed and feeling overwhelmed, I think he has begun to understand that Hazel will always be his calm, she'll always be his rock whenever he needs her.
All in all it was a wonderful Christmas with family, each visit was more calm than I ever expected. Everyone was understanding and gracious about Hazel, even if they weren't dog people they were welcoming of her because they knew how much our little man would need her. It was truly a fabulous visit home and we're planning to visit again in the summer and I'm feeling very relaxed about it because of our four legged daughter who provides calm for our son.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Thoughts about service dogs
Clearly everyone in my circle knows that we have a service dog for JJ. I'm very open about it. I've been getting many links on facebook lately about questions that people have about the process, is it worth it, etc. I think I'm just going to write it all out and then my friends can link back here.
The major types of questions I'm seeing are these; "The wait is so long! I need a dog now!" "I cannot afford what they are asking me to pay! Plus travel fees on top of that?!" and, "Can't I just have my pet trained by someone to be a service dog?"
So here we go!
1) The wait is so long, I need a dog now!
I really and truly understand this one! I do. I was chomping at the bit to get Hazel into our home and working with JJ. There is a reason why I think the big organizations have long wait lists. They are doing something right because people clearly want to use them for a reason. If people have wonderful things to say about an organization and that place has a long list, seriously consider using them because there is a reason for that wait. ASDA only places one dog a month, and only places during the school year. They take the month of April off from placements because it's Autism Awareness Month and the volunteers and trainer are very busy with events promoting ASDA and autism in general.
When you have a child with autism, who is struggling with elopement behaviors, nothing can fix it fast enough. There is always a constant sense of urgency to every day, every activity and every outing you go on as a family. I feel badly for the people we hung out with before Hazel arrived. I'm sure my hypervigilance when in the community was super aggravating for people. You can't really have a heartfelt, meaningful conversation with someone when you are constantly scanning for your child, or he's in a meltdown at your feet because he's stuck with you through his backpack leash. I probably showed some major signs of ADD back then.
But if I'm completely honest, I'm glad we waited the 15 months for Hazel. Not just because she's the best dog for us, but also because we needed to get ready. We had made the financial commitment already, she was paid for. However, the commitment is so much bigger than that. Financially we needed to get to a place where we could care for her. She's a big girl, she eats a lot... her food is expensive, vet bills are expensive and her daily upkeep is time consuming. She goes to the groomers every 8 weeks or so to keep her fur looking good (I can't brush her as often as I should because of my allergies so my husband does, but Hazel loves the groomers so we treat her every couple months), and there are many things we need to do to keep her shiny, clean and healthy (teeth, nails, shots, heartworm and flea medications) so that she can maintain her public access and go with JJ wherever he needs to go.
But we also needed time to prepare ourselves. We only ever wanted two children. We have our boys and love them dearly. People always say that having a pet is like having another child and in some ways it is but I think more like another child is a service dog. She goes everywhere we go. In our car we have food and water dishes, blanket, pillow, balls (in case an opportunity to play arises), spare leash, poop bags and more. When we travel, Hazel comes with us. We have to bring her bed, her leashes, her packs, her food, bowls, toys, her teddy bear etc. She doesn't get left home with a pat on the head. It took me a long time to learn how to quickly get all four of us (me, the kids, and the dog) out the door on time. It was like having a new baby. I now have a routine and it works and I can get both kids, and the dog, dressed and ready for school with snow gear on before the bus arrives.
A service dog isn't a flash in the pan decision. At least it shouldn't be. If it is, you may need to go back and look at it again. Hazel hasn't been a cure all. JJ still melts down at school. He still has high anxiety and bad behavior. Hazel hasn't "fixed" him. She has sure helped him though. When he melts down at school, she is there. When he loses it here, she comes to him to check on him. She sleeps in his room at night, she loves on all of us. She even helps my anxiety! It's a big commitment to take on a service dog, and often that commitment needs time to grow.
2) I can't afford what they are asking me to pay!
The amount that ASDA recommends that families fundraise is 13,500.
This amount si only a portion of what Hazel cost them to train. ASDA is a non-profit organization. They have 1, maybe 2 paid staff (pretty sure it's only 1 though) and the puppies are all raised by volunteers. There are food bills, vet bills, and so many more things that come with raising puppies, all paid by ASDA. So why shouldn't they ask families to show their commitment to the program by paying for the dog? There are so many ways to fundraise this money. Here is the list of what we used;
- ACT today for military families - grant 2000.00 (they will give up to 5000.00, we only needed 2000.00).
- Tshirts - raised 500.00 (Friends made the cutest tshirts for JJs fundraising efforts! gifted them to us so that all money from the shirts went to JJ's fund).
- Friends and family - This is where the majority of our money came from honestly. Friends created a website that we could share on Facebook and many of our donations came from people we didn't even know!
- Garage Sale - we held a garage sale at our house on Ft. Carson and got 1100.00 for JJ's service dog
- Church family - we were blessed to receive a gift from a family within our church for 2000.00. This was unexpected and truly amazing. God blessed us with that because it was the exact amount of what we needed to finish fundraising.
There are so many ways to fundraise money. The trainer at ASDA once told me that every family that was truly committed to having a service dog fundraised the entire amount. It's absolutely doable, especially when every donation is made to a non-profit! People (for the most part) want to help others, especially children with special needs. Instead of looking at it as a whole and being intimidated. It's a chance to spread awareness about service dogs and what they can do in the life of a child with autism.
3) Can't I just have my pet trained to be a service dog? A professional would train them!
This is a tough one. I remember the trainer from ASDA and I talking about this while I was in Oregon working with Hazel. She told me it is very difficult to transition a family dog into a service dog for one member of the family. It's not impossible but in researching, there are very few organizations that do it this way and none (that I have found online) train for autism. There is a difference between a service dog and a therapy dog. If you are curious, google it because there is many good sites with information about the difference.
Many organizations that will train a house pet will train for therapy work or for service work but for different disabilities. I don't know the ins and outs of this one, but I do know that our family pets in the past wouldn't have worked out. I'm not saying it's impossible but I will say, it's a route I would never EVER choose. In my (unprofessional) opinion, the bonding is different. Yes, Hazel is bonded to me but she is also bonded to JJ. She is bonded to me as her handler, her pack leader. She is bonded to JJ as his helper and support system. She knows when he is upset, and comes running to him if we are in the house. She's patient and gentle with him while we are in the community. She loves all of us but in different ways. We've had many dogs before. Some very placid and gentle, others... not so much. But there is a true difference in a dog that has been trained since puppyhood for this job.
Hazel is our joy, she's been a lifesaver for JJ and has been the most wonderful addition to our family. A service dog is not right for every situation or every family. Be realistic about whether it is correct for yours. This is a lifelong commitment to a living creature. It's not a pressure vest or weighted vest that will be out grown and either passed along to someone else or thrown out. We will have Hazel for the rest of her life. It's the same as having a child. The responsible family will make sure it's the right choice for them.
The major types of questions I'm seeing are these; "The wait is so long! I need a dog now!" "I cannot afford what they are asking me to pay! Plus travel fees on top of that?!" and, "Can't I just have my pet trained by someone to be a service dog?"
So here we go!
1) The wait is so long, I need a dog now!
I really and truly understand this one! I do. I was chomping at the bit to get Hazel into our home and working with JJ. There is a reason why I think the big organizations have long wait lists. They are doing something right because people clearly want to use them for a reason. If people have wonderful things to say about an organization and that place has a long list, seriously consider using them because there is a reason for that wait. ASDA only places one dog a month, and only places during the school year. They take the month of April off from placements because it's Autism Awareness Month and the volunteers and trainer are very busy with events promoting ASDA and autism in general.
When you have a child with autism, who is struggling with elopement behaviors, nothing can fix it fast enough. There is always a constant sense of urgency to every day, every activity and every outing you go on as a family. I feel badly for the people we hung out with before Hazel arrived. I'm sure my hypervigilance when in the community was super aggravating for people. You can't really have a heartfelt, meaningful conversation with someone when you are constantly scanning for your child, or he's in a meltdown at your feet because he's stuck with you through his backpack leash. I probably showed some major signs of ADD back then.
But if I'm completely honest, I'm glad we waited the 15 months for Hazel. Not just because she's the best dog for us, but also because we needed to get ready. We had made the financial commitment already, she was paid for. However, the commitment is so much bigger than that. Financially we needed to get to a place where we could care for her. She's a big girl, she eats a lot... her food is expensive, vet bills are expensive and her daily upkeep is time consuming. She goes to the groomers every 8 weeks or so to keep her fur looking good (I can't brush her as often as I should because of my allergies so my husband does, but Hazel loves the groomers so we treat her every couple months), and there are many things we need to do to keep her shiny, clean and healthy (teeth, nails, shots, heartworm and flea medications) so that she can maintain her public access and go with JJ wherever he needs to go.
But we also needed time to prepare ourselves. We only ever wanted two children. We have our boys and love them dearly. People always say that having a pet is like having another child and in some ways it is but I think more like another child is a service dog. She goes everywhere we go. In our car we have food and water dishes, blanket, pillow, balls (in case an opportunity to play arises), spare leash, poop bags and more. When we travel, Hazel comes with us. We have to bring her bed, her leashes, her packs, her food, bowls, toys, her teddy bear etc. She doesn't get left home with a pat on the head. It took me a long time to learn how to quickly get all four of us (me, the kids, and the dog) out the door on time. It was like having a new baby. I now have a routine and it works and I can get both kids, and the dog, dressed and ready for school with snow gear on before the bus arrives.
A service dog isn't a flash in the pan decision. At least it shouldn't be. If it is, you may need to go back and look at it again. Hazel hasn't been a cure all. JJ still melts down at school. He still has high anxiety and bad behavior. Hazel hasn't "fixed" him. She has sure helped him though. When he melts down at school, she is there. When he loses it here, she comes to him to check on him. She sleeps in his room at night, she loves on all of us. She even helps my anxiety! It's a big commitment to take on a service dog, and often that commitment needs time to grow.
2) I can't afford what they are asking me to pay!
The amount that ASDA recommends that families fundraise is 13,500.
This amount si only a portion of what Hazel cost them to train. ASDA is a non-profit organization. They have 1, maybe 2 paid staff (pretty sure it's only 1 though) and the puppies are all raised by volunteers. There are food bills, vet bills, and so many more things that come with raising puppies, all paid by ASDA. So why shouldn't they ask families to show their commitment to the program by paying for the dog? There are so many ways to fundraise this money. Here is the list of what we used;
- ACT today for military families - grant 2000.00 (they will give up to 5000.00, we only needed 2000.00).
- Tshirts - raised 500.00 (Friends made the cutest tshirts for JJs fundraising efforts! gifted them to us so that all money from the shirts went to JJ's fund).
- Friends and family - This is where the majority of our money came from honestly. Friends created a website that we could share on Facebook and many of our donations came from people we didn't even know!
- Garage Sale - we held a garage sale at our house on Ft. Carson and got 1100.00 for JJ's service dog
- Church family - we were blessed to receive a gift from a family within our church for 2000.00. This was unexpected and truly amazing. God blessed us with that because it was the exact amount of what we needed to finish fundraising.
There are so many ways to fundraise money. The trainer at ASDA once told me that every family that was truly committed to having a service dog fundraised the entire amount. It's absolutely doable, especially when every donation is made to a non-profit! People (for the most part) want to help others, especially children with special needs. Instead of looking at it as a whole and being intimidated. It's a chance to spread awareness about service dogs and what they can do in the life of a child with autism.
3) Can't I just have my pet trained to be a service dog? A professional would train them!
This is a tough one. I remember the trainer from ASDA and I talking about this while I was in Oregon working with Hazel. She told me it is very difficult to transition a family dog into a service dog for one member of the family. It's not impossible but in researching, there are very few organizations that do it this way and none (that I have found online) train for autism. There is a difference between a service dog and a therapy dog. If you are curious, google it because there is many good sites with information about the difference.
Many organizations that will train a house pet will train for therapy work or for service work but for different disabilities. I don't know the ins and outs of this one, but I do know that our family pets in the past wouldn't have worked out. I'm not saying it's impossible but I will say, it's a route I would never EVER choose. In my (unprofessional) opinion, the bonding is different. Yes, Hazel is bonded to me but she is also bonded to JJ. She is bonded to me as her handler, her pack leader. She is bonded to JJ as his helper and support system. She knows when he is upset, and comes running to him if we are in the house. She's patient and gentle with him while we are in the community. She loves all of us but in different ways. We've had many dogs before. Some very placid and gentle, others... not so much. But there is a true difference in a dog that has been trained since puppyhood for this job.
Hazel is our joy, she's been a lifesaver for JJ and has been the most wonderful addition to our family. A service dog is not right for every situation or every family. Be realistic about whether it is correct for yours. This is a lifelong commitment to a living creature. It's not a pressure vest or weighted vest that will be out grown and either passed along to someone else or thrown out. We will have Hazel for the rest of her life. It's the same as having a child. The responsible family will make sure it's the right choice for them.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Things I never knew about having a service dog
We're coming up on our one year dogiversary with Hazel and I've been really looking back at all the changes in our life. Somethings have surprised me about having Hazel with us. We've had many blessings (some of which have been chronicled here) and we've had a few struggles but through it all we've had lots of love and humor with our girl. Here are a couple things that I didn't know would happen before Hazel joined our family.
1. Your coat, purse and even jeans pockets become squirrel holes for dog treats.
We have a running joke that if we ever get stranded anywhere we'll have lots of dog food to eat. I carry the same cross body bag everywhere since Hazel joined our family, in the outer pocket is Hazel's treat bag. Somehow though, her treats seem to turn up everywhere. I put my winter parka on the other day (it was -8 or something ridiculous like that) and lo and behold there were dog treats in the pocket!! Haven't worn that coat in almost a year.... yeah. I have found them in the center console in the car, in my jeans pockets, vest pockets, purses and even in the glove compartment. Dog treats seem to breed like rabbits. :)
2. Dog hair becomes fashionable.
Being a retriever, Hazel has fur. Lots of fur, and hair. I have finally conceded the battle. The hair wins. I've stopped using a lint roller and instead I just roll with it. Heaven help me if I have to lay on the carpet. I love my Dyson vacuum but even that can't get all her hair off the floor. Picking Dog hair off sweaters, or out of JJ's hair has just become a matter of course in our house and JJ even picks hair off his brother. Now, before you think I have a filthy house, I don't. Hazel just sheds. Lots.
3. Allergies become bearable.
I've known for years that I'm allergic to dogs and cats. But I'm also allergic to about 10 different trees, 4 different molds and so many other things. When we were waiting on Hazel, people constantly asked me if we were going to ask for a hypo-allergenic dog. My response was always "no. I want the dog that is best for JJ and not the best for my allergies". Allegra has become a part of my daily routine and has been since before Hazel arrived. Allergies become even more bearable when the "allergen" snuggles up in bed with you, burps in your face, and keeps your son safe.
4. How much JJ relies on her.
Every morning, JJ gets out of bed, come running out to the kitchen and say good morning to me, then he immediately goes to where Hazel is sleeping on her bed and says good morning to her. It could be a pat, a hug or even a kiss (rarely) but he greets her every day. The other night, we had a terrible windstorm blow through bringing snow with it. The wind kept me awake most of the night and JJ woke up around 2am upset and worried about the weather. He wanted Hazel. Hazel hasn't been sleeping in his room because she wakes up when Josh's alarm goes off at 5am, she gets up and shakes and that typically wakes JJ up. JJ up at 5am is not good. But because JJ was so upset about the weather, we moved Hazel's bed in beside his and he slept with her by his side. Every night before he goes to bed JJ will ask us "I can have sleepover?". Hazel's bed has stayed in JJ's room. Josh lets her out every morning when his alarm goes off and then she'll come sleep with me on our bed until I get up after 6am. But JJ wants her with him and I'm not gonna say no.
5. How much we love her.
She's ridiculous and funny. She's big and has big paws. She's loud and obnoxious (when it comes to her ball play time!) and generally the biggest love we have ever met. She's smiley, she's silly. She's a goof, she's fuzzy and she's the biggest lap dog you'll ever meet. But she's ours. She's JJ's safety net. She's his safe place and his constant. But most importantly,
She's ours.
1. Your coat, purse and even jeans pockets become squirrel holes for dog treats.
We have a running joke that if we ever get stranded anywhere we'll have lots of dog food to eat. I carry the same cross body bag everywhere since Hazel joined our family, in the outer pocket is Hazel's treat bag. Somehow though, her treats seem to turn up everywhere. I put my winter parka on the other day (it was -8 or something ridiculous like that) and lo and behold there were dog treats in the pocket!! Haven't worn that coat in almost a year.... yeah. I have found them in the center console in the car, in my jeans pockets, vest pockets, purses and even in the glove compartment. Dog treats seem to breed like rabbits. :)
2. Dog hair becomes fashionable.
Being a retriever, Hazel has fur. Lots of fur, and hair. I have finally conceded the battle. The hair wins. I've stopped using a lint roller and instead I just roll with it. Heaven help me if I have to lay on the carpet. I love my Dyson vacuum but even that can't get all her hair off the floor. Picking Dog hair off sweaters, or out of JJ's hair has just become a matter of course in our house and JJ even picks hair off his brother. Now, before you think I have a filthy house, I don't. Hazel just sheds. Lots.
3. Allergies become bearable.
I've known for years that I'm allergic to dogs and cats. But I'm also allergic to about 10 different trees, 4 different molds and so many other things. When we were waiting on Hazel, people constantly asked me if we were going to ask for a hypo-allergenic dog. My response was always "no. I want the dog that is best for JJ and not the best for my allergies". Allegra has become a part of my daily routine and has been since before Hazel arrived. Allergies become even more bearable when the "allergen" snuggles up in bed with you, burps in your face, and keeps your son safe.
4. How much JJ relies on her.
Every morning, JJ gets out of bed, come running out to the kitchen and say good morning to me, then he immediately goes to where Hazel is sleeping on her bed and says good morning to her. It could be a pat, a hug or even a kiss (rarely) but he greets her every day. The other night, we had a terrible windstorm blow through bringing snow with it. The wind kept me awake most of the night and JJ woke up around 2am upset and worried about the weather. He wanted Hazel. Hazel hasn't been sleeping in his room because she wakes up when Josh's alarm goes off at 5am, she gets up and shakes and that typically wakes JJ up. JJ up at 5am is not good. But because JJ was so upset about the weather, we moved Hazel's bed in beside his and he slept with her by his side. Every night before he goes to bed JJ will ask us "I can have sleepover?". Hazel's bed has stayed in JJ's room. Josh lets her out every morning when his alarm goes off and then she'll come sleep with me on our bed until I get up after 6am. But JJ wants her with him and I'm not gonna say no.
5. How much we love her.
She's ridiculous and funny. She's big and has big paws. She's loud and obnoxious (when it comes to her ball play time!) and generally the biggest love we have ever met. She's smiley, she's silly. She's a goof, she's fuzzy and she's the biggest lap dog you'll ever meet. But she's ours. She's JJ's safety net. She's his safe place and his constant. But most importantly,
She's ours.
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